Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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