you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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