i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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