I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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