Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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