I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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