Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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