So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
