i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
