You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
