Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
