I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this boner is exhausting
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
