I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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