I want to walk on stilts...naked
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
