The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
