i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
