My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
