He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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