Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
