dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
