How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
