Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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