i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
