Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
