She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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