At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dignity is for republicans.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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