Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
