Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
