That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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