Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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