Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
