May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He passed out mid-signature
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
