I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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