you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
