Apparently you make a good broom.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
