Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
