Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
