What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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