I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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