I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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