your thong is hanging out like whoa
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
