Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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