thus making me awesome and them whores
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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