Duck Duck Cougar?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
