so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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