weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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