did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize