I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
