i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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