I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
