...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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