All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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