I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
