and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
