I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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