I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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