She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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