So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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