So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
