@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
