Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize