I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
