Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
