i will never coherently bang her
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
