She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
