Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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