I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
