You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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