You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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