it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
